Fatherhood
by prepare4trouble
Summary: Blinky had never expected to become a father, but now that he is, he intends to do it right.
1. Chapter 1

Fatherhood

Blinky had never intended to become a father. It had simply happened, mostly without him even noticing. It had crept up on him; a slow realization that he cared more deeply for James Lake Jr than he had ever intended, or than he had ever thought possible.

It wasn't as though the idea of fatherhood was unappealing to him — far from it — it had simply never seemed as though it was going to happen for him, and he had been okay with that. He had his books, he had Aaarrgghh!, and that had always felt like enough.

And then, one night, standing on a rooftop of the human town that had sprung up above Trollmarket, it had occurred to him, quite unexpectedly that he did in fact have a son. Not a biological son, true, but biology was less important than how one felt. Far less important, apparently, given that Jim's actual father had abandoned him as an infant.

Blinky's only regret was not having said what he did sooner, while Jim had still been human, so that he would know that Blinky had already felt that way, and that it had nothing to do with the transformation. How he looked was irrelevant; Jim had become a part of his family a long time ago.

If only he had known what Merlin had been planning to do, Blinky liked to think he would have told Jim sooner; perhaps it would have come up while discussing his options with him, considering Merlin's plan from all angles and deciding together whether or not it was worth the risk. In reality, he wasn't so sure. Would it have occurred to him to say those particular words? They had been spoken on the spur of the moment, the truth they had revealed only apparent afterward.

A son. He had a son.

For a moment, Blinky had felt guilty; as though by saying such a thing aloud, especially in light of Jim's recent transformation, he was somehow pulling him away from his true family; claiming him for his own. He had dismissed the thought quickly; he didn't know Barbara Lake as well as he would have liked, but he knew her enough to be certain that nothing would drive a wedge between her and her son, not even Merlin and his accursed potions. As for Jim's father, well, if he had truly chosen to walk out and abandon his infant son — and on his birthing day no less — quite frankly he had given up any rights he had to the boy.

Anyway, it had been clear at the time that Jim had needed to hear those words. They had helped him. To Blinky's surprise, he had needed to say it too; he hadn't realized quite how much until it was out there.

Blinky glanced around him in a way that he hoped appeared casual, trying to check on Jim without making it obvious that was what he was doing. He found him exactly where he had been the last time he had looked, seated on the ground, back hunched a little as he leaned forward to rest an elbow on a knee. He seemed to stare directly forward, looking at nothing.

They couldn't rest here for long; they only had so much nighttime in which to travel, and miles yet to cover before the sun began to rise. Seeing the clear signs of exhaustion in both Jim and Claire, Blinky had called a stop anyway. The journey so far had not been especially arduous, but Claire was human, and Jim still half, and neither of them had the stamina of most trolls. Jim was also injured from the battle. The two of them were seated together, Jim's arm wrapped protectively around her, Claire leaning her head against his body. She was sleeping. Jim was not.

Blinky watched for a moment out of the corner of his leftmost eye; still, after all these days, trying to reconcile the troll he saw now with the human boy that he had watched grow into a skilled trollhunter. It was difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. From a distance Jim looked so different. It wasn't until he got closer, spoke to him, watched his mannerisms and felt the warmth of his personality, that he could see someone he recognized underneath. It would take time, but he would grow accustomed to it. And so, he supposed, would Jim.

That was going to take longer.

Blinky knew from personal experience that a change of that nature was not an easy thing to adjust to. He had enjoyed his brief foray into humanity, but only on the proviso that it was a temporary affliction, one that would eventually be rectified, albeit with no guarantees as to when. For Jim, there was no such promise.

Blinky had never expected to be a father, but now that he had realized that he was, he intended to do it right. It occurred to him that there was probably more to parenthood than helping your son build a vespa and teaching him how to wield a sword made of daylight. Like, for example, guiding him through the transition from one species to another, and helping him begin to accept himself when he could barely recognize his own reflection.

Actually, now Blinky thought about it, this was probably not going to be your typical father-son relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

It was going to be an arduous journey. Traveling long distances always was, and although Blinky had never enjoyed it, this somehow seemed worse now than the last great journey he had made. After only a few weeks he was already tired and very much ready to have reached his destination. A destination that was many months away, if they were very lucky. The last time he had made this journey — or rather the reverse of this journey — it had taken years to cross the continent.

Things in the human world had changed in the past few centuries, methods of travel had evolved. The same was true for trollkind, but unfortunately there was no gyre station anywhere near New Jersey, and it had been decided that to travel elsewhere and go on foot from there would be an added layer of complication for no real gain. While humans enjoyed the benefit of automobiles, locomotives and aviation, for this journey at least, the trolls would have to resort to placing one foot in front of the other.

It was almost certain that more than once over the course of the journey, Blinky would wish that he could trade in two of his arms for an extra pair of feet.

But it wasn't only the physical act of spending every night walking that he disliked; the frustratingly slow progress they were making toward their destination. Nor was it the psychological difficulty of packing up a few chosen belongings, and moving to an entirely different place. He had done both of those things before, and on a much larger scale. No, the worst part about traveling now, was the danger of being seen.

The last time he had done this, huge parts of the Earth had still been covered by woodland — they still were, he supposed, but not here — and many of the humans had still remembered trolls as something other than creatures from children's stories. They had remembered the truce they had made with them, and how the world had been before.

The forests had receded since then, while the human towns and cities had expanded, and the knowledge of trollkind had faded from their collective minds. While several hundred years ago, a group of traveling trolls could have taken shelter in the forest during the day, safe in the knowledge that they were unlikely to be seen, and that if they were, they were unlikely to be disturbed, now they were hard-pushed to find anywhere far enough away from a town that they wouldn't be stumbled upon by some group of hikers or, worse, hunters.

And being seen would be very bad.

It meant they often needed to split up during the day, forming smaller groups that could hide more easily, which was exactly what they had done today. He, Jim, Claire and a handful of others had taken shelter in a wooded area not far from the rest of the party, but far enough that if one group was discovered, the others should be able to hunker down and remain invisible.

They had been lucky this morning, having found a small clearing that would be difficult for humans to reach through a barrier of thick undergrowth. Jim had carried Claire — much to her chagrin — as he had leapt over into the clearing. Overhead, a thick canopy would protect them from the sun, while the tents they had pitched served two purposes; they would ensure that if any sunlight did penetrate the leaves, the trolls sheltering below would remain safe, while they also hid their occupants from the prying eyes of any humans who happened to blunder through.

Months more of this was not a pleasant thought. Months of walking, and then the long process of building a new home. Again. When they had built Trollmarket, Blinky had truly believed that it would stand forever, basking in the warm glow of the heartstone at its center.

He missed that warmth; a sensation not entirely physical, but not purely mental either. He found himself growing irritable, tiring easily, resting for longer. He felt aches in his back and his legs from long nights of walking that he felt sure he would not have noticed had he been in the presence of a heartstone.

And Jim, Blinky was sure that he would be fully recovered from his injuries by now, if they had been at home; if he could have allowed himself a few weeks to simply bask in the healing energy of the stone. Unfortunately, that would have to wait until they reached their destination. If, that was, they found a heartstone there at all. In the meantime, Jim would have to rely on his human half to heal him in its usual, slow manner.

Blinky stood alone on the outskirts of their encampment, two arms folded, the other two resting on his hips. He took a deep breath of early morning air, savoring the freshness. You didn't get that underground, and you certainly didn't get it in the human population centers. Out here in what passed for the wilderness nowadays, he could remember a little of how the world had once been.

Footsteps approached from behind; long-dead leaves crunching underfoot. Blinky turned, and found himself face to face with Jim. Actually face to face. It still felt strange to be able to look him in the eye without having to look down, or crouch. Of course, that was far from the only strange thing about this situation.

Blinky smiled at him, pleasantly surprised at the interruption. Jim had been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn for most of the trip so far. Not completely so; he would reply when spoken to, and made the occasional comment himself, but for the most part he had been keeping his distance, even from Blinky and Claire. Blinky had found it concerning, but not overly so.

The battle and the ensuing exodus from Trollmarket had been hard on everybody but moreso on Jim, who was leaving behind not only his home, his mother and his best friend, but the entire life he had known up until now. Everything was going to be different for him from now on. Blinky had expected there to be an adjustment period, and he had decided to simply let Jim be for a while, support him when he needed it, but not to push too hard.

He had no idea whether that was the right course of action; this was a unique situation, and as such there was no book or text to which he could refer for guidance. Most of his books had been left behind in Trollmarket anyway, waiting for him to collect them once they were established in the new location.

"Hey, Blinky," Jim said. He sounded a little hesitant, like he was nervous about something. He folded his arms and grinned. "So… are we nearly there yet?"

Blinky frowned, confused. "Far from it. I've heard about your sadly lacking academic prowess this past year, Master Jim, but I thought you would know that would take more than two weeks to walk across the entirety of the country."

Jim's smile faltered a little and he shook his head. "Yeah I know, Blink," he said. "I was just…" he shook his head, "Never mind, I guess you wouldn't get it."

Blinky stepped forward slightly, closing the distance between them a little. "I might," he said, "If you were to explain it."

"I was just messing around," Jim said. "It's a thing kids — human kids, I mean — do on road trips. You know, nagging their parents, asking if they're there yet when they obviously aren't, if it'll be much longer… I was just making a dumb joke."

"Ah!" Blinky beamed, pleased not at the joke — which really wasn't funny at all, but maybe that was because he lacked the context — but at the attempt to make it; a step in the right direction. "Well, unfortunately I think we're looking at another four months of travel at a bare minimum, probably much more, so you will have plenty more opportunities to ask about our progress, and perhaps I'll respond in a more appropriate way. What is the correct response?"

Jim shook his head. "There isn't really a… don't worry about it, it's not important." He settled down on the ground, pulled up his knees almost to his chest and wrapped an arm around them. Absently, he began to tug at the grass with his free hand, pulling it up in clumps and dropping them again.

"Is something troubling you, Master Jim?" Blinky asked.

"No, I'm fine."

That was his stock answer, the one that seemed to fall from his lips automatically, before he even had time to process the question that had been asked. Blinky didn't challenge it. He had learned already that there was little point. Jim would talk when he was ready.

Jim continued to pull up clumps of grass, more quickly now, nervous fingers working seemingly of their own accord. A gust of wind caught a few of the pieces laying discarded on the ground and blew them backward toward the rest of the camp. "Here's a question," Jim said, "when we _do_ get there, how're we going to know when we've arrived? The heartstone's underground, right? How will we know where to go?"

Blinky certainly _hoped_ it was underground. Although he hadn't shared them with anybody, he had spent much of the journey so far considering every worst case scenario he could think of, and in one of them they had located the heartstone only to realize that it had already been found by the humans; that it had been excavated and was on display in one of their museums for those humans such as Tobias, with an interest in such things, to examine.

He cleared his throat. "It will be underground," he said. He was sure he would have heard about it if the humans had unearthed a heartstone, and the worst case scenarios in his head were nothing more than a manifestation of stress over the move to a new location. "We'll know when we're there in the same way we found the last heartstone all those years ago," he said. "We'll feel its presence."

Jim frowned, it was his turn to be confused now. "I don't…" he began. "What do you mean?"

Of course, Jim wouldn't know about such things. He had been a troll for such a short time prior to the destruction of the heartstone that of _course_ he wouldn't have felt its presence. That time had been difficult for him, dealing with the sudden and irrevocable changes he had gone through, and then plunged into the fight of his life, he probably hadn't had the time to feel the life-giving radiance of the stone.

Or maybe he had felt it, but not realized what he was experiencing. Maybe the moment the stone had been destroyed, he had felt that loss and taken it for something else. After all, to him, that was far from the most important thing he had lost that day.

In a way this was a good thing, because Jim didn't know what he was missing. It wasn't something that Blinky would be able to describe to him, not really. It was something he would have to experience for himself. The best Blinky could do would be to liken it to the sun; the feeling of its rays on his skin when he had found himself unexpectedly human. Warm, nourishing, life-giving.

Then, maybe Jim did have an idea what he was missing. And maybe when they finally did reach New Jersey, he would be able to see his surrogate son smile as he basked in the glow of the new heartstone. Maybe it would go a ways to making up for that particular loss.

Or maybe it wouldn't. It was difficult to say. Jim was half human, after all. Such a thing had never happened before, not to Blinky's knowledge, and the implications were impossible to judge.

But he could hope, for Jim's sake.

"You'll understand when we get there," he assured him.

Jim nodded, simply trusting Blinky to be right. Fervently hoping that trust wasn't misplaced, Blinky sat down beside him and allowed himself to sink into silence for a few moments, waiting for Jim to speak again. Jim didn't. Instead, he reached into the pocket of the large set of clothes that Claire had managed to acquire for him once he had been able to remove the armor, and pulled out his phone.

Despite using it sparingly, the battery in Jim's phone had finally died just a few short nights into their journey, and he had found himself temporarily cut off from his mother and best friend for a few nights until Claire had managed to procure a solar powered power bank for them to share. She charged it during the day while Jim sheltered from the sun, and by night they had access to their families back home, as well as to that most vital of basic human needs, the internet.

Jim checked his messages and let out a small, barely audible sigh of disappointment when he found no response from Toby.

"Tobias keeps a rather different schedule to you and I," Blinky reminded him. "I imagine he was already asleep when you sent your last message, and is still sleeping now."

"Yeah, I know that," Jim said. His words were tinged with frustration as he thrust the phone angrily back into his pocket. "I _do_ still remember being human, you know!"

"Of course you do," Blinky assured him. "I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I'm sorry."

Jim took a deep breath and released it as a sigh. He slumped a little. "No, _I'm_ sorry," he said. "I don't know what's… no, I _do_ know what's wrong with me, but…" he sighed again, frustration replaced now with resignation.

"Troll tempers can be notoriously difficult to control," Blinky told him. "Despite what you might think, you're doing an admirable job."

"Yeah, well you're right, I definitely _don't_ think that," Jim said. "Last night I forgot about these things," he indicated his horns with a wave of a hand, "and banged them pretty hard on the branch of a tree. Know what I nearly did? Punched the tree. Like _that_ would have made any sense! The only thing that stopped me was that Claire was there, and I didn't want her to see…"

He stopped, and pulled out his phone again. He didn't appear to do anything with it other than give him something to occupy his hands. "I don't like this," he said. Staring at the screen, his voice dropped to almost a whisper, as though he was letting slip some closely guarded secret. "I don't like not being in control."

"You stopped yourself," Blinky reminded him. That was important. It meant that Jim was wrong; that he was in control.

Jim shrugged, apparently unconvinced. It was going to take time, Blinky reminded himself, for Jim to learn how to accept himself again. In the meantime, it was doubtful that anything Blinky, or anybody else, could say would truly help. Instead, Blinky moved a little closer. He placed one of his arms around Jim's shoulders and another around his waist. Although words were important to him, Blinky found that on occasion the human idiom was true; actions truly did speak louder.

Jim sighed heavily before leaning in to the embrace, and although the tension didn't disappear, Blinky felt a little of it drain away. For a moment, they simply sat together watching the sky gradually begin to lighten through the trees.

"If it would help," Blinky said after a moment, "I was thinking that maybe we should begin training again. The immediate threat may be over, but Gunmar is far from the only enemy you may need to face. Besides, it would give you something else to focus on, as well as a way to take out your frustrations."

Jim considered it for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that sounds great, but how are we going to train when we're constantly on the road?"

"We're not on any roads now." Blinky pointed out. "At the end of each night we stop before the sun rises, set up camp if we need the shelter, and spend some time planning where we intend to have reached by the end of the next night. First thing in the evening we need to pack up the camp before we leave. I'm sure the others won't begrudge you using some of those moments to train. You are our protector, after all."

Jim rubbed tired eyes with a hand, then brushed his fingers through his unkempt hair. He stopped the moment his fingertips touched the base of his horns. For a moment, his hand remained there, unmoving, before he allowed it to drop back into his lap. "Yeah," he said. "Sure. I'd like that. We'll have to take it easy though, I'm still recovering."

Blinky doubted there was any danger of Jim overexerting himself. 'Taking it easy' meant something different now to what it had just a few short weeks ago. They had no Hero's Forge here, and only a short amount of time each day in which to train. They had no AAARRRGGH!, and of course no Draal to put Jim through his paces, and in the absence of another volunteer, Blinky supposed that he might have to be the one to take the brunt of Jim's frustrations. That was okay, if it would help Jim, a few bumps and figurative bruises would be a small price to pay.

"Well then," he said. "Tomorrow night, after you're rested, before we set out on our travels."

And it _would_ help Jim, he was sure of it. Not only would it take his mind off his immediate problems for a short while, but it may also assist him in becoming accustomed to the new dimensions of his body. Although it hadn't been a problem for him in battle, Blinky suspected a lot of that had been instinctive. Now, apparently he was banging his horns on things like a gangly adolescent troll who had just come through a growth spurt.

Which was exactly what Jim was, Blinky realized.

Jim yawned, mouth opening wide to show the full length of his teeth for a moment before he self-consciously covered his mouth with a hand and turned away. Blinky made a deliberate effort not to watch. He didn't know whether Jim was embarrassed by his non-human features, or whether he was simply hoping that Blinky wouldn't notice his exhaustion.

Well, he would have no such luck if it was the latter. "You should sleep, Master Jim," Blinky suggested. "The sun will be up shortly anyway, and you're going to need your rest for the night ahead. Especially if we're to resume your training."

Jim sighed as though sleep was a huge inconvenience about to get in the way of something far more interesting, and not something that would occupy him for the next eight-plus hours while Blinky and the others were forced to find other ways to pass the time. "I don't get it," he said, "Why do I still need to sleep so much? Why'd I keep _that_ part of being human? Why not…" He let the words tail off for a moment as he appeared to try to decide which aspect of his humanity he missed the most. Finally he shook his head. "…something else," he finished.

Blinky frowned, torn for a moment between answering the question and trying to reassure Jim that although he didn't see it yet, there were many wonderful aspects to being a troll, and that they would become apparent to him in time. It didn't help that Jim's experiences so far amounted to nothing more than walking by night and seeking shelter by day while struggling to find food that he could both eat, and bring himself to see as food.

He chose to answer the question; the rest could open up a longer conversation, which he would love to have, but Jim really did need to sleep now.

"I've wondered the same thing myself," he said. "It isn't a simple question to answer. It's possible that because you are still recovering from your injuries, as well as putting your body through its paces by walking all hours of the night you require more rest. Your weakened state may mean that the lack of a heartstone is already affecting you, as it will soon begin to affect the rest of us; on the other hand it could transpire that a heartstone is unnecessary for you. Perhaps when we arrive and begin to settle in New Jersey, you'll find your need for sleep wanes, but perhaps not. You are, of course, as much human as you are troll, perhaps you have simply retained that particular aspect of human biology."

Jim smiled and shook his head. "You _can_ just say you don't know, Blinky."

Blinky sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "Yet. But my point still stands, you should sleep."

"Yeah. Claire said the same thing before she turned in." Jim sighed again, climbed wearily to his feet and clasped Blinky on the shoulder. "I guess you can't _both_ be wrong."

He was still holding his phone in one hand, although at some point the screen had faded to black. He slipped it into the pocket of the large hooded sweatshirt he was wearing, hesitated, then pulled it out again and offered it to Blinky. "Here," he said. "My friends might all be sleeping, but yours aren't. Wanna call AAARRRGGHH!?"

Blinky smiled and reached for the offered phone. It had been less than a day since he had spoken to AAARRRGGHH!, but he missed him, and the ever-expanding distance between them only made it worse. It had been Jim's idea to leave one of Trollmarket's communal phones — previously used for contacting the Trollhunter in an emergency and of course no longer required — with AAARRRGGHH!, and it was a suggestion for which Blinky would be eternally grateful.

"Goodnight," Jim said, then rolled his eyes and half-smiled. "Well, good morning I guess, but that just doesn't sound right when I'm heading to bed."

"Indeed it does not," Blinky agreed. "Goodnight, Master Jim."

Jim briefly clasped Blinky on the shoulder before turning toward the tents. Blinky turned to watch as Jim ducked and crouched his way awkwardly into the tent furthest to the right, the one he shared with Claire, and zipped closed the entrance behind him, leaving Blinky alone once again.

He smiled to himself and turned over the phone ready to call AAARRRGGHH!. Something significant had happened tonight. It wouldn't have looked like much to the casual observer; to someone that hadn't been closely watching Jim over the past few weeks, but this was progress.

Now all Blinky needed to do was figure out how to nurture it.


End file.
